Oggi, per la prima volta dopo tanti, tanti giorni, ho contravvenuto ai miei propositi. Invece di pensare allo studio e a tutto ciò che di importante c'è nella mia vita, ho speso tutte le energie della mia mattinata a pensare a un certo essere inutile che dovrebbe far parte della mia dodicesima priorità e a quanto io abbia motivo di odiarlo e a tutte le cose che avrei tanto voluto dirgli invece di mordermi ogni volta la lingua. Così, ai piani superiori del karma han ben pensato di far cessare quel fastidioso borbottio astioso con una bella scarica improvvisa e inspiegabile di dolori addominali che mi ha messo fuori servizio per un pomeriggio intero. "Così almeno se dorme s'azzitta", avran pensato. Così m'imparo, penso io.
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E' incredibile come siamo capaci di far dipendere la nostra felicità dai sentimenti e dalle volizioni di un altro-da-noi; è una cosa che capita spesso, a chiunque. Penso che la cosa più difficile di questo mondo sia accettare di possedere un valore, e dunque di proteggerlo e preservarlo dagli attentati che provengono dalle libere azioni degli altri.
La vera, atroce fatica è dover ammettere di essere responsabili della nostra felicità in modo completo, integrale. Se stiamo male per un "essere inutile", gli stiamo attribuendo una responsabilità che, strictu sensu, non ha (la sua, di responsabilità, riguarda il rapporto con il proprio sè); abbiamo a lei/lui delegato un compito che spetta a noi soltanto.
Significa, in altre parole, che in quel dato momento non ci amiamo abbastanza, non ci prendiamo cura di noi stessi.
Il fatto è che tutto questo, fino ad un certo livello di intensità critica, è normale, ma secondo me fa bene rendersene conto e rifletterci ogni tanto.
Siamo bellissimi e luminosi... comunque.
:-)
Parole sante, caro il mio Uno. È stato un momento di debolezza in una giornata cominciata storta dentro di me. Ohoh, ma la bilancia cosmica ha saputo rimettermi sulla retta via.
Momento... Una mattinata.
Ma io avevo fatto un errore imperdonabile come scrivere "hai piani superiori" e nessuno se n'era accorto? Corretto adesso. Che 'gnurant' che so.
non ci pensi mai, d'altronde. E'stata una breve eccezione (..).
te prego, togli quel "per un cattolico gay deve essere un dilemma..", sto iniziando a impararlo a memoria 'sto filmato!! eheh
e a me rischia di sgamarmi in ufficio,tutte le volte che vengo sul tuo blog di straforo...cioè sempre!!!
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